This island is inhabited with spiritual people. One lady reminded me that whatever you take from the land should be returned to the ocean. Her name was Aunty Netty, and despite her title she was not my aunty. It was clearly a wonderful term of endearment to a lovely lady whose lineage granted her a connection to certain rights on the land and to spiritual matters. She offered a prayer to the gods, next to a sacred pool that was frequented by turtles, and generally prohibited to the public. Her standing on the island required no official license nor paper to register what she was allowed to do. She is known as a Kahu. Aunty Netty used words in Hawaiian and later in English to permeate the sea water she had earlier collected. This sea water was now filled with all this positive and natural energy. She whispered some phrases to me, while our foreheads lightly connected in preparation for the blessing. As she gave me the blessing, she dipped a couple of plant leaves into the bowl and used this to transfer the goodness onto my arms, legs, heart, body and soul. This was a very special day. I’m staying here forever and work can go get stuffed! A real shame that I’m the boss. Crap!

Things sometimes fall into place in hindsight, and this was quite evident as I sat on a flight from Sydney to Honolulu. Grabbing a paper tissue and a childs texta, I applied some simple calculus and some quantum physics (according to the Gospel of Google), and I discovered that I had experienced time travel. I left Sydney on Tuesday 9:30pm and arrived in Hawaii on the same Tuesday but at 11am. Whoohoo, I get to enjoy Tuesday again. If only I could go back a couple of decades so I could re-adjust my lifestyle and avoid or prepare for this journey which I’m undertaking. But what would I change? No one seems to know how Prostate Cancer is acquired. Did someone sneeze on me while travelling on a train late one night from Central? In which case, I would avoid trains … and wear long neck skivvies for the rest of my days. I would probably still be single today because I would have chosen an orange one. If you get a chance, please watch ‘A Little Bit of Heaven’, with Kate Hudson (new release).

We are surrounded by a protective layer of film, which bounces off negative vibes, rays and laser beams each day. Most people are oblivious to this and naturally go through their day to day activities allowing this natural phenomenon do what it’s suppose to do.

We suck in the compliments, absorb the positive feedback and conversely cringe at any criticism or associations with bad experiences or pain.

I have my own cocoon, and I have worked hard at constructing this protective shell delving back on all the good things that would keep me focused on keeping my head above water. This has been a struggling and difficult project over the past 6 to 8 months. Everyone tells me that is is a good plan for curbing the cancer.

In fact, almost everyone have their tales of cancer curing remedies, which they have either read or heard about. The cocoon is the one I best relate to, the frog legs and toad eyes will have to wait until these become commercially available.

Maintaining a positive outlook requires a lot of skill, and I don’t have the time to attain ‘Gandhi’ nor ‘Dalai Lama’ status before I’m set off on a burning Viking ship.

Incidentally, I found this cool site http://www.sjolander.com/viking/plans/
And was wondering if anyone can read ‘Viking’, I just don’t want to finish the boat with a stray wooden peg or two when I finish?

I also need some good quality straw and a match.

OK, this rant is going to be a weird one bordering on the ‘looney tunes’ and venturing into the ‘what the’ … For the past 6 months or so I’ve been seeing the numbers 444 quite often and ordinarily I wouldn’t have blinked an eye lid, nor even shrug my shoulders as I would with the cocky confidence of someone who hadn’t broken one of their shoulders in a rugby game 3 years ago. Actually, lets not go there since Brad always reminds me that my come back ended after only 20 mins of play into the season. The words ‘pussy’ and ‘cry baby’ often accompany his taunts, just wait till he turns ‘almost’ 50. You wouldn’t believe the number of times I would wake up at 4:44am, or check the time in the afternoon and it’s 4:44pm. I count the occassions only where I would unconsciously or randomly check the clock. Another time, Brad and I went on a shopping spree buying clothes and the bill came to $444. Another time, Lisa flicked her mobile on while I was filling the car with gas and it was 4:44pm. I returned after paying for the gas, switched the car on and the clock read 4:44pm (this clock was about 4 mins slower than Lisa’s mobile). A delivery box arrived at the door one time, and I noticed the freecall number had 444 in it. When I was on holidays last Christmas, a buggie drove past with the number plate ’44’ and then immediately after that another vehicle drove past, a utility van with the number plate ‘4’. Today, one of my bank balances had the numbers 444 in the total. There are ton’s of examples, so I’m dumbfounded wondering whether this is all a sign, a message or some revelation. What are the chances? Or am I focusing so much on these numbers that I notice them more now? Due to the high frequency of visions, I’m now discounting the waking up at 4:44am because surely that has be a body clock thing, right? I had to turn to the all knowing Google and you wouldn’t believe the number of people who experience the same thing, so I’m not alone in this phenomenom. Go ahead, Google it. Essentially most of the articles in Google refer to the thousands of angels that surround me at the time I experience the 444. I’m praying that the angels are offering their protection as opposed to them waiting for me to catch the ‘deep sleep bus’. The Chinese consider the number 4 to be auspicious, so maybe I’m seeing ‘die die die’ flashing before me, but then again among all the other Chinese superstitions they also believe that wearing a moustache is considered bad luck and beating a person with a broom will bring bad luck for many years. No wonder the vacuum industry does so well in China.

Just a couple of tips on how to interact with someone like me. I do feel obliged to spell this out so people can stop freaking me out. I’m not trying to be cavalier about this, nor do I wish to offend, but I am working on an alternative secret Colonel Sanders recipe to get myself out of this bind. Unfortunately, this plan is very fragile and can all come to nought at the slightest suggestion of failure or negativity, even when naively offered. 1. I have cancer, not the common cold. Please stop telling me it’s going to be alright unless you know the definitive cure for Cancer. The doctors tell me that the disease reacts differently for everyone. I could be a nifty bag of garden fertiliser within 12 months, or I could be writing a book about how I beat this, fathered 10 more children, won the lottery and how I now appreciate cigars and pedicures. 2. True, I won’t have further use for my wardrobe and that this space will be available sometime in the future, but you will have to search and bid for this piece of real estate on eBay like everyone else. 3. Be prepared for a paternity test, if you’re hoping to turn up for a cut of the Insurance handout. You should know that Brad is not the sharing kind and is currently learning Brazilian Ju Jitsu, and I think he knows how to dish out guillotine choker holds now. 4. Any funeral directors touting for business will need to have a qualified dog handler with them. My dog ‘Dawgie’ has a bite worse than his bark. I am however interested in genuine, no corners cut, Viking Burning Ship Burials’ at Sea, quotes. 5. I AM trying to be positive, and it’s bloody hard when everyone keeps reminding me to remain positive. What I really need is an introductory course in Shaolin Monkism Meditation 101 (in 5 easy steps). If anyone knows where I can pick up the tapes for this, please let me know. I can pick up or arrange delivery at my expense. If it’s a book, make sure it has lots of pictures, preferably cartoons … my attention span is almost non-existent and I’m easily entertained. If the CD has music, ideally monkeys should be able to dance to it. 6. If you really want to cheer me up, I enjoy Chicken Laksa, Mud Crab, Crayfish, Pineapple Lumps, Tamarillos and Coffee from Bonjour Patisserie (Wahroonga). 7. If you think you’re beautiful then a hug would be warmly and immensely appreciated. Groping encouraged but not advised. Talk to you all again, laters alligators!