Hi turtle-lings, I’m waiting for the dancing topless Amazonian women to drop from the ceiling Matrix style on my 50th birthday. No worries, my jaw will still drop, and I’ll still be surprised, in fact very surprised. The medics can piss off, my heart can take the excitement. 50 years ago, I was a mistake. A great mistake that my mum loved dearly. A visiting pilot from England decided to go out on the town (big happening place, Auckland), met up with my innocent gorgeous mum and did the deed. This would have had to have been around mid October, 1961. According to Google at that time, ten NZ National MPs voted with the Opposition to remove capital punishment for murder from the Crimes Bill that the National Government had introduced (big, big news). I guess that would have initiated a flurry of amorous boys and gals to go out on the turps that week to celebrate. Wow! Beers sales would have sky rocketed. I’ve watched enough Discovery channels to know that I won the race to the egg! I beat all the other losers to get my mums egg fertilised, what a winner! Oh yeah, high fives!! I thank the lucky stars for that powerful tail flick. I don’t know terribly much about my dad, but he did fly Winston Churchill a lot in what I think was a Douglas plane with lots of fighter planes protecting him. Cool! Real cool. 50 years on, I’ve dyed my hair blonde once and that hurt so bad, I’ve had an ear ring, not the gay ear, I’ve had my chest waxed, never again. I’ve experienced a lot in 50 years and I could not even imagine to highlight any one thing that I would like to say was the big bang. But here am with 4 lovely children, unfortunately I have cancer but what the heck, true love can never be shattered by any dark moments. Brad was the first to extend me good wishes just now for the 50 years, he only just walked in the door. Nighty night all.

Another day, but this time I made my maiden voyage to the gym and pumped those muscles for all good of 35 mins. Brad was in the background flexing as he does with a whole lot more weights than what I could ever handle. I’m on a high, and I need to capitalise on these good feelings so I can build up a reserve. Much like the chipmunks who store food in their cheek pouches. Hahaha, … don’t you love cartoons that educate. I’d like to thank Brett who tirelessly called me and replied to my texting when I was down trodden in the dumps. It’s shouldn’t come as a surprise when someone is suddenly faced with their own mortality, that everythings takes on a new perspective. I like that word, ‘perspective’, not often do I get to use a word with 11 letters, … twice! I’ve been off the turps for around 11 months, except for 3 times when I fell thirsty and water was scarce. Two Saturday’s ago I was lured to the local Inn by the Hornsby Rugby Team, that was a night to remember!!!! I even got cosy with a hooker, here’s the picture to prove it. The first two times were when things just hit rock bottom after a great deal of disappointment. Almost everything looks different now after my last result, nothing needs to make sense. Just thought of an interesting book title, ‘Crab-like Hobby Dream’ … love, sex, and happy forever after. Is this what they call ‘intuition’?

Unbelievable results today everyone, the cancer count has dropped. Yessiree, the numbers are on my side finally, this is the second drop, the pomegranate juice works, all that up, down, up, down, up, down on the dumb bell lifty thingy works, the meds probably contributed, the sleeping pills are useless, and having awesome friends definitely works. My mate Pete not only furnished me with accurate and detailed information about the songs Prince sang during his Australian tour, but he also left me a good book titled, “The Secret Language of your Body”. The book contained 230 pages of words that even my bi-focals struggled with, … and I’m not sure what drove Pete to even imagine I could cope with that, … and so I thumbed through to the pages that connected most with me, and I read those 6 pages over and over and over again. I was even more ecstatic when the doctor said, see you in 6 months time. This was my verbal assurance from the grand wizard (who also wore the coolest watch) that although Sydney had been issued with a severe weather warning tonight with the State Emergency Services on high alert, I can sleep well tonight and for the next 182.5 nights likewise. Those wild winds can blow the roof off my house, I’m still going to cuddle warmly under my blanket, content that everything can get better. I have been issued with a free Get Out of Jail card, and I’m bashing this one down on the monopoly table hard for impact. If the table breaks, who cares. I’m going back to the gym tomorrow to work on my pecs, eat bananas and drink gallons of protein shakes. I’m going to dream tonight about conquering Mount Everest, and if I forget my oxygen equipment, who cares! Adios Chichitos.

Yup, that’s a picture of the pristine waters at Hawaii, and also a great view of my perspective on life. While everyone was splashing around in the water, I was taking a keen interest on the small things. The little fish were almost see through, and if you stared long enough, you would see a colony of them, or is that a school of them. Interesting that the people who collected words for the first English dictionary associated groups of fish with the house of learning and academics. Don’t they only have a 3 second memory? And how the hang did someone find that out? I just love the way the Japanese come up with clever brain games, I like Sudoku a lot. I read somewhere that you need to exercise the brain with mathematical and IQ type games to minimise the incidence of memory loss. I’ve reduced my sleeping tablet intake to minimise my troubling memory loss, this has been worrying. Im also doing Sudoku puzzles, to kick start the neurons. Once this works, I’ll look for my keys again. Tomorrows’ a big day, I find out the next set of lotto numbers that determine whether life has been sweet. I had a shave tonight so that the oncologist would think I’m half decent, and I’ve laid out my clothes similarly to someone attending a job interview. I hope I pass! Good night sweetos almatomichios. More evidence I should have been in the printing industry when the dictionary was being put together.

Place one big tick next to: “Go to Prince Concert”. I saw him at Melbourne and the VIP seats were more than well worth the cost. Flavour Flav from Public Enemy stood and danced next to me for most of the night. At the bottom of this post is a section for “Leave a Reply”, I’m actually interested in what sort of things people have on their ‘must see – must do’ list. T minus 2 weeks before my next set of blood tests. Why does it feel like judgement day every 3 months? I’m compelled to share Bens’ rugby game last weekend (as I do with Brads’) because the little bugger scored his first try for the season. The Barker forward pack were rucking the ball at the opponents 22 mark, when Ben picked the ball and ran for the try line. He ran into and past four of the opposition players. He had a clear passage towards the try line, when one of the other boys sprinted and shoulder charged him. Penalty was given to Barker and with a quick tap, the ball was handed to Ben who railroaded through the defense line, with three of them hanging onto this little locomotive. What an awesome Saturday, once again! This is just as therapeutic as a 30 minute gym session. I get the clearance tomorrow whether or not, I can resume the gym after the Gall Bladder operation about 4 weeks ago. I love the way magicians are able to conjure up these amazing tricks that have you wondering how precisely they did it. Some people use cards, hats, rabbits and ribbons, some use ‘trust’. Although I can never understand it, ‘trust’ should never be laundered with any form of trickery, it’s just one of those accessories that glitter in its’ purest form. If you repeatedly introduce a flaw, it will never have the same value. Why am I waffling about magic tricks and trust, you ask? Well, just because. A big gratifying thank you hug to Isobel, who unexpectedly called out to me, “You’re looking great!” yesterday while she was working at the Coonanburra Cafe. Hey, even guys appreciate these feel good comments. Now I want to check out every woof whistle, never know, it could be for me … from a girl!